.:PAn Trinity DAs:.

Funny how Peter Pan was always trying to conquer his shadow.

Where I grew up there was nowhere to hide when my parents were fighting. My dad was a long haul truck driver, which gave my mom moments of reprieve before he would return and they would inevitably resume their mortal combat. Like most fathers of his generation, communication was not a skill on his belt. He had no idea how to express his anger in a healthy way, so he smashed dishes, punched holes in the walls, and drove like a maniac to release his rage. Due to these childhood traumas, I came to abhor violence of ANY kind. I began to shut out all conflict, even my own inner strife. I developed a dependency on marijuana to exercise some of my demons but it soon became an act of repression.

In my community I was surrounded by people who were constantly working through their darkness, but it all felt pretty new age and cheesy to me. I was happy lounging in the light, focusing my thoughts and energy on the good times. Fighting demons seemed more like fiction to me. A task that required a steed, super powers and a blazing sword to smite evil with. For the most part, I was perfectly happy… however, there were times when I would be engulfed by an inexplicable rage. Out of desperation, I established the highly meditative practice of “Boulder Chucking.” An exercise where I would walk down to the river late at night, search out the biggest, baddest rock I could lift and hurl it at another. While this was a satisfying release, it was merely a temporary fix!

It wasn’t until years later, in fact about a week ago, that I finally acknowledged that I’ve been rejecting my shadow side. It was the categorical moment of “EUREKA!!” As if I’d suddenly found the missing piece to every puzzle I’d been trying to solve since I was a kid. Call me a late bloomer, but now it seems insultingly simple, especially since it’s been in my face, taunting me for the last 10 years! That just makes it all the more satisfying though. Now I see that this new and exciting concept is like the magical answer to everything, and has about a million practical applications. Indeed, evil PAn is a force of nature. He fully embraces his primal sexuality. He is well acquainted with and navigates effortlessly within other realms of consciousness. He is fully accepting of the truth of who he is already, and does not feel the need to hide. He embraces the human experience and is happy to live in the world and all its contrasts.

I now recognize that he has been longing to break free from the prison “Good” PAn put him in so looong ago. Suddenly, I’m giving “Good” PAn the cock-eye and questioning his motives. Yes, you may fear the rise of Evil PAn, but I assure you he’s not trying to take over the world, but merely reclaiming balance over his dominion. These days I let him do most of the talking.

ooo